I do not understand how two people can stay in love.
I only know how to write what I know. So what do I know? I know how something happened. I now how an ideal situation would unfold. I know my own imagination. But when nothing is certain—when words are jumbled into what ifs and what not’s, then I don’t know. I cannot write if my thoughts are not tangible, if they are not comprehensive. I need to be able to see them, feel them. That is the only way my words come out.
I blink in and I blink out. I am almost able to touch the vague familiarity that fills my senses. But all it takes is one second, one fleeting moment, and it is gone. All that’s left is a quiet emptiness, an unspoken truth.
You loved my smile.
You said it made everything fall into place.
But that was then…and this is now.
I wish somebody would fall in love with my smile.
She needs a break, doesn’t she?
To just relax her nerves, calm her heartstrings.
To breathe in all that she hasn’t breathed in…
Perhaps to taste the summer rain, to embrace the gentle breezes.
To let the world take her for just a moment
So she can escape the void she feels in her heart.
If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will.
Him.
I miss you
more than you know
…do you know?
I will try not to
think of you
…but I still do.
And when I hear silence
the sweet sound of silence
I hear your footsteps thud on the pavement
…it brings me back to that last night
And yet I’m with you again.
Life is hard but
Life is also what we make of it.
Is that really true?
I question my life every single day.
How do I make use of my life?
Sometimes, it simply sits there. I push and I push but cannot will it to move. It is unable to prove, incapable of moving. Must I strain every part of me in order just to get it going somewhere? Is it worth it?
My life is at a standstill; I cannot even begin to think about how I am supposed to live it. Yes, live it to the “fullest”—oh the cliches. It’s quite difficult to live one’s life to the fullest when there are responsibilities to maintain, promises to keep…
And how does one differentiate between dreams and misinformed dreams?
How will she know if what she is going is really for herself?
Isn’t it strange?
You share a tiny moment of your life with me and suddenly I feel as if I am missing something from my life.
We connected today.
For a few seconds, perhaps a minute or so.
But no longer than that.
I felt as if I knew you again.
I could hear your voice through your unspoken words.
I could feel your pain through the quiet air. And damn—
I just want to make it all better for you.
I want to be there for you.
But just as that moment stirred these feelings in me,
it left.
And it left me. Here.
Thinking about what part of you I was missing from my life this time.
…it hit me that you were never even part of my life.
My foolish heart just made it seem that way.
How silly of me.
I would like to know that there is someone.
That I can fall for. That I can fall into.
That will catch me. That will hold onto me.
That won’t let me go and won’t ever want to let me go.
Someone that will understand how this crazy girl’s mind works in a world just as crazy.
